I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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