You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
