no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
