i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
