What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
