You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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