I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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