Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
