no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
