He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
