The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize