yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
