Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize