You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
