Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
