hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Enjoy the penises
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
