The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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