i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
as a side note pls kill me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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