It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
