i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
