Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
