Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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