I heard we made out
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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