did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
