; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize