We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
