My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
