Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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