My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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