For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
