ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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