just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
