omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize