Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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