he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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