i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
