please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
