I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
