can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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