Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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