I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
