You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
