Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love you. Go after that dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
