So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
