Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
