I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
