1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
