Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
