So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
