you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
