dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
