He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
