Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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