I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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