So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
