So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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