i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
