Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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