Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
