i think my mom watched the whole time
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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