I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize