if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
