Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
