What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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