I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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