The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
