Your dad touched me again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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