she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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