You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
