i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize