all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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