Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
