We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
