Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
