So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
