At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
