I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I want is dick and wine.
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