Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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