i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
