two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
